Day 18

I got a really stupid assignment in Government to “lobby someone for something” – persuade them without them knowing. It was vague and complicated and I didn’t do it but I wrote this pretty impressive (and pretty silly) piece of BS to turn in instead. For your viewing pleasure:

Lobbying is slow process. A process of suggestion and implication. Since the time this assignment was assigned, I began planting the idea of a nice dinner out in the minds of my parents. I placed ads for delicious looking food all over the house. Every time a commercial for a restaurant came on, I would groan in desire and say, “Ohh, that looks so good!” Soon my parents started to agree. I saw a zombielike compliance in their eyes – I could see that soon they would acquiesce to my ever so subtle demands and take me out to a delicious dinner.

Tonight I instituted my attack. When my parents came home from work I stated loudly that I was “so hungry!” and asked my parents if they were hungry too. “Yes we are, all knowing daughter” they answered in unison. Yes! I had control. “Where shall we go to eat, though, parents?” I asked, sinisterly kneading my hands. “Please tell us, all knowing daughter, where you would like to eat.” Their vacant eyes turned to me, their brains (after long and careful manipulation) ready to be filled with my every demand. After telling them where I wanted to eat I snapped them out of their trance for the drive over (friends don’t let friends drive entranced). They seemed confused as to why they were driving us to a restaurant, but accepted the situation.

Throughout the night I got my curfew extended, my allowance increased, free use of either of their cars, and my little brother Zack guaranteed as my personal slave. The process of lobbying was surprisingly easy. Maybe my parents are exceptionally susceptible to manipulation, but I was shocked at how quick it was for them to agree to my every suggestion. Lobbying is great!

Tags: BS, homework, writing